The narcissistic trait of ignoring or dismissal - Understanding and recognising Trauma Bonding
it is relatively common for individuals with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder to ignore or dismiss others. This behaviour can stem from a variety of reasons:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissistic individuals often struggle to empathise with others, which can lead them to overlook or ignore people’s feelings, needs, or concerns.
Control and Manipulation: Ignoring someone can be a tactic used by narcissists to exert control or manipulate the dynamics of a relationship. By withholding attention or communication, they may attempt to create a sense of dependency, punishment or elicit a reaction from the ignored person.
Self-Centeredness: Narcissistic individuals tend to focus primarily on their own needs and desires. If they perceive someone as unimportant or irrelevant to their goals, they may choose to ignore them.
Fear of Vulnerability: Engaging deeply with others may evoke feelings of vulnerability, which narcissists often try to avoid. Ignoring others can be a defense mechanism to protect themselves from emotional intimacy.
Punishment or Retaliation: They may ignore someone as a form of punishment, particularly if they feel slighted or disrespected. This can create a power imbalance in relationships. It’s all about their need to gain power as feeling powerless and innadequate.
If you're dealing with a narcissistic individual who frequently ignores you or doesn’t validate you by listening to you, it can be emotionally challenging. Understanding their behaviour may help you set appropriate boundaries and decide how to navigate your relationship with them.
The dynamics of ignoring, not listening or dismissing others, particularly in relationships with narcissistic individuals, can be intricately linked to the concept of trauma bonding. Here's a deeper exploration of this connection:
Understanding Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding refers to the strong emotional attachment that can develop between an abuser and their victim, often as a result of a cycle of abuse, manipulation, and intermittent reinforcement. This phenomenon occurs when the victim feels compelled to stay in the relationship despite the harm caused, typically due to a combination of emotional dependence and a distorted sense of loyalty or attachment to the abuser.
How Narcissistic Behaviour Contributes to Trauma Bonding
Intermittent Reinforcement: Narcissists often exhibit a pattern of behaviour that includes both affection and withdrawal. They may shower their partner with love and attention at times, only to ignore or dismiss them at other times; could be extreme moodiness for instance. This inconsistency creates confusion and emotional turmoil, making the victim cling to the positive moments and overlook the negative behaviour, thus deepening the trauma bond.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists can be highly skilled at manipulating emotions. When they ignore someone, they might simultaneously employ guilt-tripping or gaslighting tactics to make the other person feel responsible for the neglect. This manipulation can reinforce feelings of inadequacy and dependency, trapping the victim in a cycle of seeking approval and validation from the narcissist.
Fear of Abandonment: The fear of losing the narcissistic partner can keep individuals in the relationship, even when they are being ignored or mistreated. Narcissists often exploit this fear, knowing that their victims may tolerate poor treatment in hopes of regaining the affection and attention they once received. There is some confusion of who is the real person? a Jekyll and Hyde type experience.
Distorted Reality: The intermittent attention and affection from a narcissist can lead the victim to question their reality and self-worth. They may internalise the narcissist's dismissive behaviour, believing that they are unworthy of attention or love, which reinforces the trauma bond and makes it difficult to leave the relationship.
Cycle of Abuse: The cycle of idealisation, devaluation, and discarding is common in narcissistic relationships. After a period of ignoring or dismissing the victim, a narcissist may return to a phase of idealisation, leading the victim to feel hopeful about the relationship. This cycle creates an emotional rollercoaster that can solidify the trauma bond, making it challenging for the victim to break free.
Recognising and Breaking the Cycle
Breaking free from trauma bonding, especially in the context of a relationship with a narcissistic individual, requires awareness and intentional effort:
Recognise the Patterns: Acknowledging the signs of narcissistic behaviour and understanding the dynamics of trauma bonding is the first step toward healing. Recognising that the cycle of love and neglect is unhealthy is crucial.
Set Boundaries: Establishing firm boundaries is essential in reclaiming your emotional well-being. This may involve limiting contact with the narcissistic individual or seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals.
Seek Therapy: Working with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. Therapy can help victims rebuild their self-esteem and develop healthier relationship patterns.
Focus on Self-Care: Engaging in self-care practices and nurturing your emotional and physical well-being can help restore a sense of independence and resilience. Prioritising your needs and again seeking supportive friends or a therapist can also reduce the emotional hold the narcissist may have over you.
Build a Support Network: Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family can create a strong safety net as you navigate the process of breaking free from the trauma bond. Having a network of people who understand your experience can help you feel less isolated.
Release the situation with a lot of love and empathy. Be the kind and generous person you always have been without expectation of anything in return from the other party. This is something the narcissistic person will be unable to do.
Conclusion
Understanding the link between narcissistic behaviour and trauma bonding is vital for anyone dealing with a narcissistic individual who frequently ignores or dismisses them. By recognising the patterns of manipulation and emotional turmoil, victims can take steps to reclaim their lives and break free from the cycle of trauma bonding. Healing is possible, and with the right support and resources, individuals can rebuild their self-worth and establish healthier relationships in the future.